Dear Hollywood,
Look, I get it. I’m not an idiot. You want money. You want that Hollywood money, specifically. And you’ve got all this great stuff that people already love—often from an early age, meaning they’re a lot less inclined to criticize it or even think about it too much than they are to go “OMG” at the familiarities. I get that it’s cheaper to rip off stuff that was made 1, 5, 10, 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 years or more into the past. I don’t even necessarily think that it’s a bad practice to do so. Batman: The Animated Series adapted a character who was 53 years old when it debuted in 1992, and it’s a classic that redefined its medium, gave jobs to a class of creative professionals who today run the American animation industry, and by basically every account was a runaway artistic success. And I guess A Star Is Born was cool, too? Adaptations and remakes can be good.
But also, they can be really lazy. And cynical. Endlessly they roll: Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Ghost in the Shell, Peter Pan, Dumbo, and on and on and on, year in and year out. The Lion King remake was a soulless and neutered husk of its source material, void of head-bobbing and several iconic songs. It starred Beyoncé, but Radiohead’s already supplied this movie’s theme: “No surprises, please.” Nonetheless, it made an obscene amount of money on your safe bet, Hollywood.
And I shouldn’t expect more from you at this point. We’re all just laborers plodding along beneath the hungry gaze of predatory capitalism, so why should I expect anything more creative than the lowest common denominator? Fuck me, right? Surely I’m the asshole. But I still think you should be more ambitious, Hollywood, in spite of it all. So here’s an idea (free intellectual property!) that will pique your interest—an offer you can’t refuse.
Animate The Godfather, you cowards.
That’s right, motherfuckers, I dare you. You like IP and safe bets and adaptations and remakes so much? Adapt the greatest movie of all time as either a trilogy or a short mini-series, using animation. (This should include the events of Part I and Part II in a comfortable runtime, obviously. I’m not suggesting adapting Part III. I may be crazy and occasionally counter-intuitive, but I’m not an idiot.) Here’s why.
There is an obvious, clamoring market. There’s a reason Warner Bros. Animation cranks out, like, three direct-to-video animated movies a year. People like to watch these things. To not give them characters who have nearly as much popularity—and certainly more “prestige” clout—as Superman and Batman is bad business.
There is little risk to involved. It’s not like you’re suddenly going to have legions of fans who would turn around and never watch The Godfather again because you released an animated take on the classic. This is different than, say, a live-action remake would be, because it’s far enough removed that the uninterested can tune out.
There is ample precedent for this. For years, authors have riffed on Mario Puzo’s original novel, exploring and deepening the characters in another medium. Remember The Godfather PlayStation 2 game? It was a “Greatest Hit,” and this would be no different. The Animatrix enriched The Matrix’s standing as a classic by employing many of the anime creators The Matrix borrowed its influences from.
There is an important anniversary coming up. And that will help you market and promote this thing. In 2022, The Godfather will be 50. The time to get started on a project like this is now.
There is much opportunity for creativity. See the vivid use of varying and stylized animation styles in Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. See the rain-drenched mob battles in Cowboy Bebop. See the darkness of the aforementioned Batman: The Animated Series. The animation professionals who made those works, and hundreds of other projects like them, would probably kill to animate Michael Corleone blowing Turk Sollozzo’s brains out in an Italian restaurant.
I keep coming back to the anger and frustration my peers display around me, Hollywood, every time you take a dump on something they like by producing an inferior version of it. My own frustration has morphed into something different. I’m not interested in negative emotions anymore. I think about one of Vito Corleone’s iconic lines: “You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your son back to you? Or my boy to me?” he asks a business associate who wronged him.
Now, the Godfather was a psychopathic chauvinist intimately acquainted with power, control, and violence. But I agree with his (stated) intention on this one thing. Vengeance is dumb. Opportunity is everywhere, and no more clearly than right here. Adapt The Godfather for animation, and rake in the big bucks. Just make it look cool.
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