Welcome to What Horse Is He Right Now Dot Com, a collection of stories by The Dot and Line about BoJack Horseman. Spoilers for Season 5 follow.
BoJack Horseman has always been an ass to women. It’s kinda his thing. Except it’s not just women. It’s also men, objects, and himself.
One of the many themes this season gets right is how it writes how women in different levels of power find ways to ignore or forget abuse. People in power tend to tell themselves they’re the victim (for reference, please see: all of 2018). BoJack tried to rationalize to Diane at the Philbert premiere:
“I spend so much time feeling bad. By the way, most of these women don’t even remember, I bet. I’m the one who has to live with this shit.”
Sounds a lot like a familiar tune from certain real-life men asking for redemption without changing, doesn’t it?
As a viewer who has jumped through hoops for years to justify, forget, and reframe my assault, it was a jarring line to hear from BoJack, a character whose abusive behavior I’ve justified while pitching the show to prospective viewers.
This moment helped me answer the question of how could abusers live with themselves.
BoJack’s convoluted justification of his actions goes back to the “Stupid Piece of Sh*t” episode in Season 4. He feels like shit, then makes you feel like shit, but since he has established that he is shit, that must mean his actions have no consequences. It’s an abusive mental spiral with which many of us are familiar. It’s how shitty comedians keep getting back on the stage.
But we’re not here to talk about that.
We’re here to talk about women.
The entertainment industry is set up in a way that makes it easier for people in power to get what they want. It’s why Gina had to make a choice to let go of BoJack’s physical abuse — or at least, to the extent with which one can let go of something so horrific. She states she doesn’t want BoJack “to be the most notable thing that’s ever happened” to her. To be clear, this is barely a choice. The “choice” is between being defined by a violent attack or ignoring that it ever happened in the name of maintaining a precarious status quo. Going public could hardly seem worth the pain, especially after seeing men like Vance Waggoner (and BoJack) receive endless shots at redemption.
Meanwhile, Princess Carolyn — while horrifyingly complicit — so regularly ignores her own needs that she finds it easy to expect the same of others. When flying out to UCLA, PC’s mom asks her “Please? Can’t you just do this one thing for me?” It’s a phrase you hear Princess Carolyn reiterate throughout the season.
The magic of asking for just one thing is the fact that it feels small. Can you just do this one thing? Can you just ignore this one thing? Can you just forgive this one thing? They all add up and create a toxically functional relationship. Princess Carolyn heard BoJack’s hilariously hurtful one-liners every day as she rose up the ranks in her career. By the time they were dating — and then not dating — she was so used to shrugging off these little abuses, the big ones didn’t seem like much more of an ask.
It’s easy to bury the past when you’re not even labeling it as time worth tallying.
Diane, however, constantly expects better from BoJack and won’t settle for less. While dropping him off at rehab, she says, “No one is going to hold you accountable. You need to take responsibility for yourself.” She seems unable to ignore any of his abuse and is constantly finding avenues to challenge it. However, she’s finally learned that she cannot fix him through confrontation. By bringing him to rehab, she seems to partially be aware that her friendship with Bojack makes her “complicit, no, culpable” in the pain he’s bringing onto others. It ends up being her job to pay attention to what everyone else has been willfully ignoring.
It’s unfair that it’s up to Gina, Princess Carolyn, and Diane to navigate Hurricane BoJack. They’re constantly having to choose between holding onto pain and being able to function in daily life. BoJack assumes he isn’t worth enough to be a burden.
He’s wrong. All of these women remember. And they’re still living with his shit.
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