Welcome to What Horse Is He Right Now Dot Com, a collection of stories by The Dot and Line about BoJack Horseman Season 5. Spoilers for Season 5 follow.
Bojack is one of the few shows that provides offbeat, whimsical jokes and debilitating insights towards human existence. This season was no exception. And it contained one perfect minute of comedy: episode 7 (entitled “INT. SUB”), minute 9:53–10:53.
This episode was, arguably, a weird one: It’s kind of a breath of fresh air after the eulogy monologue, but ends up demanding an equal level of attention by presenting various b-plots through a wacky alternate universe. Of course, the switch-around format works perfectly to elevate Todd to his peak form.
Emperor Finger-Face is the character Marybeth the mediator makes up for Todd, and honestly, it wouldn’t be a far reach for him to remain in Finger-Face form for the rest of the series. He and Princess Carolyn (known in this episode as “A Tangled Fog of Pulsating Yearning in the Shape of a Woman”) are in conflict mediation due to a…string cheese incident (reader, I realized this was a reference to the jam band The String Cheese Incident while writing this sentence).
They’re really going through it, and this tension ups the tempo to a perfect eight-jokes-per-minute speed. Let’s dive in:
9:53—Todd: Well, this very Wednesday, October 24th. I was excited to come home to some string cheese. The very last one. I’d been saving it all week.
PC: All week until Wednesday?
Todd: That is correct. I measure my weeks Thursday to Wednesday.
PC: Why would you even—
(Classic Todd. As someone who spent a whole season floating in the sky, it make sense that he would become vice president of a time company but view calendars differently, like the visionary he is.)
10:10—Todd: I was going to melt it down and mold it into a mozzarella Cinderella! (This is a Todd joke I don’t get but I 100% appreciate, which makes it the platonic ideal of a Todd joke.) But when I got home, my string cheese was gone.
PC: Doesn’t mean I took it.
Marybeth: Tangled Fog, watch yourself, or I’ll turn on this fan. (A fun look at world building, but also a terrifying threat from a conflict mediator?! I wonder what other horrifying torture devices she had in the room to avoid arbitration — a crisp sheet of paper to threaten the Emperor’s fingers?)
10:22—Todd: Well this morning, you said it yourself that when it comes to eating, you just grab whatever you can.
Marybeth: Can we use “I” statements?
Todd: Ai, ai ai! You took my cheese! (*chef’s kiss using the Emperor’s finger face*)
10:30—PC: You probably ate it yourself during one of your night terrors. We know you opened the fridge. You put my keys in there. (The nonchalance with which PC says this can only be achieved by a roommate who is in the middle of a war zone and chooses their battles wisely. I continue to aspire towards her strength every week. From Thursday to Wednesday.)
Todd: I can’t eat while I’m terrified! That’s why I’ll never know the delicious crunch of Count Chocula. *shudders* (I like to imagine this is also how Todd introduced himself on MTV’s Next.)
10:43—PC: That still doesn’t mean I took it.
Marybeth: You will both have a chance—
Todd: Come on! We both know you drift around the apartment like you own the place! (It’s great, because she literally drifts around and owns the place. Get it? Men and/or finger-faces are trash.)
PC: It’s my apartment!
Todd: And it’s my *fingerface table bang* cheese *hands table bang*! (Animated physical comedy that can only be matched by rabbit season or sideshow bob stepping on rakes. It is the sibling to Andy Dwyer sneezing while standing on a swivel chair to hang up a mouserat frame. I rewatched this moment three times before finishing the episode. The rhythm, pointlessness, and physicality of it is the cherry on top of this perfect minute.)
Ok. Back to rationing vodka.
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