The reviews are in for Ghost in the Shell: The Definitely Live-Action Hollywood Cash-In Starring Scarlett Johansson and, boy, do they suck: The noble nerds at Vulture: “The Look of the Original, But Not Its Brain.” The well-dressed men of GQ: “Has a Movie Ever Owned Itself So Hard?” The future-thinking contingent at io9: “Beautiful But Ultimately Empty.” The discerning palates of Kotaku: “Really Bummed Us Out.”
All this amounts to what many on the Internet at large saw as a forgone conclusion months ago: that a remake of a classic cyberpunk anime—an influence on everything from The Matrix to films that Johansson herself has already starred in—would fail to meet expectations. Those expectations are cultural and wrapped in the more-intricate-than-most-hot-takes-would-have-you-believe history of whitewashing in Hollywood, but they’re also monetary; some estimates put the new Ghost in the Shell at losing as much as $100 million, which would put it in Gigli territory after all’s said and done.
Fortunately, it’s not your job or my job to weigh the consequences of that catastrophic failure. Leave that nonsense to Hollywood and, instead, operate as if this new Ghost in the Shell doesn’t exist. Here’s why:
The ‘Ghost in the Shell’ franchise is so vast that it doesn’t matter
It spans several anime series, films, original video animations, and manga, and without getting too in-the-weeds: nothing in this new live-action film should be interpreted as canon. It’s a loose remake of the ’95 film that’s attentive to including as many of that film’s visual details as possible, and that’s about it. The ’95 film—which, if you want to get meta-textual, is obsessed with a philosophy revolving around the sense of self—created those visuals in the first place in the service of a more compelling story, so this isn’t much of a challenge.
‘Ghost in the Shell’ ’95 still looks pristine
Look, this anime wasn’t some grainy-ass, late-’80s Dragon Ball shit. It earned all of its praise for blending CGI and traditional cel animation seamlessly, and thanks to expertly handled HD transfers and its clout as one of the greatest anime films of all time and one of the most influential sci-fi films of all time, it still looks beautiful, despite having been made more than 20 years ago. There’s a reason the studio behind it, Production I.G., is one of the most highly respected anime studios in the world. The reason is, uh, this movie.
The original is 24 minutes shorter and literally free to watch legally
If you go to the movie theater and get a small thing of popcorn and see the new Ghost in the Shell, you’re out at least $20 before taxes and you’ll have seen a terrible film.
The smart alternative: Spend a fraction of that cost on renting a stream (generally, about $2) of the original, 82-minute Ghost in the Shell this weekend, or watching it as part of a Hulu free trial. Pop a small batch of wholesale popcorn kernels on the stove and stir in butter as you do it if you’re feeling fancy. You pull all that off without leaving your home and you’ll still have time to immediately switch to the first episode of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex—the longform anime series based on the franchise—in the same amount of time it would have taken you to get through one screening of the live-action, 106-minute Ghost in the Shell.
Mathematically, it just makes sense.
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