If you know nothing else about the wildly influential ’90s anime franchise Neon Genesis Evangelion, know that its mastermind, Hideaki Anno, is the George R.R. Martin of anime delays and the George Lucas of anime double-dipping. Explaining the breathtaking power of Evangelion’s mecha battle sequences, psychological and philosophical complexity, and cannily self-aware blending of genres and tropes into an ultimately (debatably) satisfying narrative would all take too long to explain here.
Instead, let’s look at the cold, hard numbers:
• Number of Neon Genesis Evangelion episodes: 26
• Number of Neon Genesis Evangelion episodes re-released as “Director’s Cuts”: 4
• Number of Neon Genesis Evangelion episodes re-released as part of the compilation film Death & Rebirth: 24
• Runtime of Death & Rebirth: 101 minutes
• Runtime of previously unreleased footage in Death & Rebirth, when it was released in 1997: 27 minutes
• Delay between release of Death & Rebirth and End of Evangelion: 4 months
• Runtime of Death & Rebirth footage included in the film titled End of Evangelion (intended to, well, end the series titled Neon Genesis Evangelion): 27 minutes
• Number of Rebuild of Evangelion films, which are meant to entirely reboot the show with new animation and characters: 3 released, 1 perpetually stuck in production hell
• Names of Rebuild of Evangelion films:
– 1.0
– 2.0
– 3.0
– 3.0 + 1.0 (someone forgot how to count to 4.0 — around the same time this person forgot that all “.0” amounts to is more shit to type)
• Year Evangelion: 3.0 was released in Japan: 2012
• Year Evangelion: 3.0 was released in the United States: 2016
• Years Rebuild of Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0 has had an announced release date, in any country: 2013, 2015
• Names of Rebuild of Evangelion film director’s cuts:
– 1.11
– 2.22
– 3.33
• Number of whiny male protagonists named Shinji: 1 (but like, basically everyone in the series whines)
• Number of heroic(-iiissshhh) EVA mecha units that show up in the show Neon Genesis Evangelion: 5 + a few “mass-production” units that show up in the film End of Evangelion + a few more crazy weird units that show up in Rebuild of Evangelion, but really, who cares at this point
• Number of attacking “Angel” antagonists destroyed by EVA units in the show: just finish this garbage and let Shinji die in peace
• Avg monthly Google searches for “evangelion,” “neon genesis evangelion,” “end of evangelion,” “hideaki anno,” “hideaki anno is an otaku-hating monster,” respectively:
– 49,500
– 40,500
– 6,600
– 3,600
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