1. Acknowledge your obvious emotional frailty for clicking on this list. Read on.
2. Before your next romantic interest sees your apartment, stuff your silliest memorabilia under the bed. That means Puppycat Squishables, any errant Totoro plushes lying around, and even your Samurai Jack katana letter openers. No one’s trying to get hurt here.
3. On first dates, mention that you run a cartoon journalism website, but do it in a subtle, cool way. Raise the eyebrows, puff out the chest barely perceptibly. Use the word “animation” with an emphasis on each syllable. “ANN-IH-MAY-SHUN.” (Caution: Always swallow your drink before doing this.)
4. Work the singular truth of cartoons into conversation: “Everyone loves cartoons!” (Yes, even if they don’t know it yet.)
5. In spite of this, never attempt to argue someone into “actually” liking cartoons. It’s dumb and not worth the energy. If you must, just skip to Tips 8 and 9.
6. Always recommend that someone watch Steven Universe. The reasons should be obvious to anyone who’s seen it, but the big ones are that it’s all about empathy and has a diverse cast and a representation-heavy plot. It’s also a tear-jerker.
7. When in doubt, toss up a factoid and see if it connects: Animation done right takes a long time and lots of training and revision, even (and especially!) for the pros. Legendary Looney Tunes animator Chuck Jones won an Academy Award for a short animated film about public healthcare. The Boondocks predicted “Oprah 2020.” An animated movie once told the story of the University of Texas tower shooting. Television’s most notable asexual character is a cartoon character. Who doesn’t love fun facts?
8. Always be OK with pivoting to watching Fast Five or Speed or other action-packed thrillers instead of any cartoon.
9. Embrace the idea that people can love or hate cultural products for dumb and arbitrary reasons. Including you.
Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers. Now go binge some anime.
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