Editor’s Note: Today, #JHMhijacksDnL draws a goddamn line—one Eric can probably get behind. But if not…
There is this thing that people do when they 1. have no original ideas, 2. believe in greedily capitalizing on the marketability of nostalgia more than they believe in the sanctity of great art, and 3. are soulless corporate hacks dedicated to ruining your childhood. That thing is known, in the animation world, as the “live action reboot.” (Really, Disney? Christopher Robin?)
Let me be clear: I’m not entirely averse to reboots! (Although I prefer, you know, animated ones.) I’m excited for Doctor Who and Pawnee, Indiana Present: DuckTales, and we all know how Eric and I felt about the new Samurai Jack. But the idea that, as Deadline is reporting, Cowboy Bebop will be made into a live action American television show is—as Twitter would put it, and as I now say far too often when talking about anything related to making films or television in the age of Peak #Content—dumb and bad.
Do we really want the Powers That Reboot to do to Bebop what they did to Ghost in the Shell? Need I remind you that we had to write this headline?
Just Pretend That Other ‘Ghost in the Shell’ Doesn’t Exist
Don’t make us write a headline like that for Cowboy Bebop, which is one of our favorite shows ever! We might actually fry our computer circuit boards with the flood of tears we’d be unable to stem if we had to write a headline like that about a Cowboy Bebop live action series! (Wait, can that even happen anymore with these newfangled laptops we got? Ask Ed for details.)
This show already destroyed me once, and by once I mean many times! Don’t ruin the initial destruction, which is due to how terrific this show is, with one that is due to how horrific its reboot is!
And for the love of all that is sacred, if you ignore my very legitimate and also objectively correct pleas, then at least please do not cast aging cardboard cutout hunk Keanu Reeves—or sexy-but-also-nebbish almost-Morpheus Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and don’t think I don’t already hear the excited whispers about it, because I do—as Spike Spiegel! Spike is pretty clearly of at least partial Israeli descent, what with the last name and the Israel-manufactured Jericho 941 pistol as his trademark, so who knows how up in arms everyone will get about anime whitewashing in the case of a Gordon-Levitt casting—which, even though JGL is Jewish, is still totally valid because Hollywood sucks with representation and Israel is a Middle-Eastern country and come on, just look how great casting Gal Gadot worked out. And that’s not even mentioning that Faye Valentine, despite the name, is seemingly from a wealthy family from Singapore and yet they’ll probably just cast someone who looks like Scarlett Johansson.
But let’s just cut the inevitable public outcry off at the goddamn pass for once. Don’t make this show!
Plus the dude who’s going to write the script is the guy who gave us the Thor sequels? Omfg. DON’T MAKE THIS SHOW!
If you do, I swear I’ll eat Eric. And he’s too lean and stringy and will taste bad—much worse than bell peppers and beef—and plus I also kinda like him. Please don’t make me do this! DON’T MAKE THIS SHOW!
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