John responds:
It is true! I’m bad at live-action! I don’t like people and I don’t like their faces and I don’t like their voices and I don’t like reality! (Three of those four items are Fake News. Guess which.) But since the personal brand I don’t have has been irrevocably damaged by this irresponsible yet hilarious and occasionally moving package, I wanted to ensure that you, my beloved haters, at least know that, yes, I have indeed watched some live-action shows that are not Twin Peaks or Game of Thrones. Here’s the proving pudding.
30 Rock, with thanks to a friend from when I was studying abroad (and also crippling loneliness), for the three or maybe four seasons it took me to get tired of what I found to be its repetitive, self-aware preciousness. People say that’s not enough. I say they should go watch Over the Garden Wall.
Arrested Development, like, six times, with thanks to L.W. Richardson.
Arrow, for, like, four goddamn seasons, with dubious thanks to my beloved siblings and father and also, I believe, Eric. That was two seasons too long. But Season Two? Superb. (Love you, Slade.)
Black Jesus, out of a deep loyalty to Aaron McGruder, of Boondocks fame.
Broad City, or at least most of it, with thanks to my friend and former classmate and former roommate Dale.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with thanks to L.W. and to Eric—although of course I haven’t finished Season Four.
Chappelle’s Show, on my own goddamn initiative, thank you very much.
The Colbert Report, with thanks to a high school friend who was conservative in high school but finally saw the light! I haven’t seen every episode, but, uh, who cares.
The Daily Show, with thanks to Stephen Colbert. I haven’t seen every episode, but, again, who cares.
Doctor Who, in its second incarnation, with thanks to my delightful partner, Amelia, as her lovely piece for this package notes. This is beyond incomplete, but I’ve seen a lot more than either of us thought I had, and Christopher Eccleston is super underrated, and “The Doctor Dances” made me cry for an hour straight while I was sick with a fever because I have lots of feelings about missing mothers. So there.
Firefly, with thanks to my father. I’ve watched it all! And Serenity! But…I forgot, like, half of the plot by the time I watched the flick, so, it’s probably time for a re-watch.
The Flash, for the season and a half it kept my interest (although the first season finale wrecked me!), and with thanks to Eric.
House of Cards until the end of season one and, yeah, I gave up. In this political climate, can you blame me?
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, with grudging thanks to Kevin and Amelia. I haven’t seen more than about three seasons in total number of scattered episodes, but at this point, you’re not surprised, are you? Also, it’s really long! I don’t need a non-animated One-Piece in my life. (For the record, I haven’t finished that, either, unlike my freak brother.)
Jessica Jones, and it’s great, and I haven’t finished it, and I’m trash, and I’m sorry.
The Kroll Show, pretty much by accident, with thanks to Dale and also Amelia and also Kevin.
Last Week Tonight, courtesy of “John Oliver DESTROYS _____” Monday morning media content dumps.
Lonesome Dove, which is the greatest miniseries of all time and I have been known to state my desire to magically morph into Robert Duvall’s character in it IRL. You are all fools for not watching it. Don’t @ me. Just watch it.
Luke Cage, with thanks to my love for comics. Sweet Christmas.
Planet Earth and five out of eight episodes of Planet Earth II, with thanks to my amazing television–owning buddy Steve. Also, lol.
Seinfeld. Not all, but enough to get the picture. (It’s fun, but…fine.)
Star Trek: The Original Series, with thanks to my father, but I was pretty young and this really merits revisiting.
True Detective, but only when time was still a flat circle.
The Twilight Zone, with thanks to my father. Not all of it, but a good number of its classic episodes. And I adequately hate myself for not knowing every entry by heart, believe me.
The Wire, through the first episode of Season Three, and shut up, Eric, that’s 25 hours of television. But he’s right. I came at the king, and I missed.
I would say there are definitely more I’m forgetting here, but you know me too well by now, so I’ll just say that there are probably more, but definitely not enough.
And there’s waaay more I haven’t seen, or at least haven’t seen enough of to count as having given them a fair shot. To wit, and just for starters: Atlanta, Band of Brothers, Battlestar Galactica, Big Little Lies, Black Mirror, Boardwalk Empire (didn’t like the second episode), Community (especially since I love Rick and Morty), either iteration of Cosmos, Curb Your Enthusiasm, more than a couple episodes (which I loved!) of Deadwood, Downton Abbey, Friday Night Lights, Hannibal, How to Get Away With Murder which I never would have even thought of watching if not for Sammy, the John Adams miniseries I started twice and loved twice and failed to get past two episodes of twice, more than a handful of Key and Peele sketches, Louie, Mad Men, Mystery Science Theater 3000 because I love sci-fi weirdness and also so Kevin will shut up about it, Narcos, Nathan for You, Northern Exposure because L.W. has recommended it to me like eighty times, Oz, more than the sixth season of Parks and Recreation, Peep Show even though it makes me squirm, more than the first five episodes of Preacher for the sake of Garth Ennis and also my dad-inherited love of westerns, the other big L.W. recommendation that is Pushing Daisies, Rome because Ciarán Hinds is the Irishman for me, Sherlock, Silicon Valley even though I think the concept is gross, Six Feet Under, the bulk of the million variations of Star Trek, Stranger Things, The Handmaid’s Tale, The IT Crowd, The Knick, The Larry Sanders Show, The Office, The Shield, The Sopranos and yeah I know, The West Wing if Cara insists, The X-Files, Ways of Seeing, Weeds, and Westworld. (Even though I still haven’t seen pretty much any of the great animes besides Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo and those I have I haven’t finished, because it’s not just live-action I sleight, I promise!)
As for a resolution to actually do that watching? I’ll, uh, add it to the list.
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