As a human with a functioning brain and a still-beating heart, I am loath to admit it, but yes, I also hate 2017 as much as I hated 2016—even if unlike some people who-shall-not-be-named-but-who-I-will-obviously-link-to-I-mean-come-on-you-can-read-you-know-who-I’m-talking-about infuriate the ever-loving bejesus out of me. Plenty of words have and will be written yet on our society’s pervasive outrage culture that skyrocketed following the 2016 election, but I’d humbly posit that sometimes the only appropriate reaction is anger. Without further ado, Donald J. Trump, as described and quoted by The Guardian’s Richard Wolffe:
This week the commander-in-chief has somehow contrived to drive to tears the grieving mother of one of his own special forces. Along the way, he boasted about his own outreach to gold star families, and defamed his predecessors’ record on the same.
[…]
Naturally Trump has turned his multiple blunders into a political fistfight. He has blamed a Democratic representative traveling with the Johnsons for fabricating the account, telling reporters: “I had a very nice conversation with the woman, the wife, who sounded like a lovely woman.”
The sad thing is he probably thought he was being nice. The even sadder thing is that he still can’t be bothered to remember their names.
How stupid can you be? And how can regular-ass folks who happen to manage functioning in the world as grown-ass adults, cope with the bullshit around them?
I have a way. More specifically, Stanley Kubrick and R. Lee Ermey showed me the way with their 1987 film Full Metal Jacket. Widely hailed as one of the greatest movies ever made about war, I’d actually argue that it’s a mediocre war film and instead one of the greatest movies ever made about soldiers, but that’s for another post. What really matters is this simple, single line of dialogue riffing on a Walt Disney character:
Watch that clip again. Now replay it. Now replay it again. Isn’t it perfect? Could you possibly give less of a fuck about whatever infraction Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann is yelling at Pvt. Pyle for? Isn’t that the damn point? The phrase “Mickey Mouse shit” is one of the most quickly destabilizing snippets of rhetoric of the past 30 years. It’s applicable to almost any situation or context. I have shouted it at the top of my lungs and muttered it under my breath no less than, I’d estimate, 5,497,206,583 times in my short millennial life. Such is the phrase’s undying utility. Kubrick analysts and fans of the film Full Metal Jacket will of course point out that this line is just one of three references to the beloved Disney rodent in the film, but none of them—not the singing of the Mickey Mouse Club theme, nor the appearance of a doll in a press room—strike as visceral a chord as Ermey’s delivery. It reminds everyone in the room that the offender deserves barely the dignity of a child that has yet to master three-syllable words, let alone empathetic insight. It’s a terrific burn.
And now, try it yourself!
When he’s (still) talking about Hillary Clinton…
Response: The classic, full-quoted original, best delivered with incredulity.
“What is this Mickey Mouse shit?”
When he’s calling a congresswoman a liar
Response: A minor modification, conveying exasperation.
“This Mickey Mouse shit…”
When he forgets about the First Amendment
Response: Transparent mockery of the offense.
“Lol, Mickey Mouse shit.”
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