Character design is perhaps Hey Arnold!’s single-most memorable achievement, and the show always knew that. Its female main character literally calls its eponymous male main character “Football Head” in every single episode. Friends, let us appraise this childhood comedy’s flowing locks, because Arnold, Arnold—sweetly conditioned, finely shampooed Hey Arnold!—deserves no less.
14. Harold
Poor kid. Bald at, like, 12. What a life.
13. Grandpa Phil
What’s he got, three little strands? If this were a head-shape-related listicle, though, “Steely” Phil and his absurd noggin would be closing in on Arnold himself.
12. Sid
What is even going on here? No wonder he hides his hair under his hat. It’s like squid-ink spaghetti up there.
11. Grandma Gertie
Pookie has a respectable head of hair, but it’s nothing to get too jazzed over.
10. Sheena
Ditto Sheena, who has Nice hair but not Exciting hair.
9. Helga
Definitely finger-in-electrical-socket pigtails here.
8. Stinky
Here comes ol’ Flat Top, he come groovin’ slowly.
7. Eugene
Whatever is going on here is bizarre but impressive.
6. Arnold
That mane. That weirdly bifurcated mane.
5. Rhonda
Always the fashionable one, Rhonda goes for the simple but sublime.
4. Brainy
Is that even…hair? We here at The Dot and Line have never been clear on this, but we spend so much time thinking about it that we thought he deserved at least a nod.
3. Phoebe
Like Eugene but elegant. A femme pompadour for the ages.
2. Gerald
The most magnificent high top of all time, rising to the sky—although the jury is out on whether it’s all hair. We know this might be a pretty divisive one, but Gerald just can’t take the top slot, because…
1. Nadine
…this is just magnificent. Her head is a glorious blonde bug. Case closed.
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